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2003-11-25 - 10:08 a.m.

The City of Boston's Police Department called me last night. They were doing a survey on themselves and had a few questions for the citizens of Boston. I was done watching/making up lines for that particular episode of "Seventh Heaven" so I indulged them.

The questions cracked me up. One of them asked me to rate a series of crimes on a scale of 1-10 based on how much I'd dislike having them perpetuated on my person. Or something like that. I was well into my second bottle of Sam Adams post-dinner and not a lot of the survey made sense to me. So I laughed when the woman asked me "murder." I said, "Now that has to be a 10 doesn't it?" She said, "Yeah, I think so."

For perspective, I gave "acts of graffiti a 1" and car-jacking came in at a surprising "3."

I just don't get het up about carjacking.

I told the survey taker that I thought the Police had a problem with racial profiling and don't take hate crimes seriously enough, but I appreciated their community approach to policing. And I particularly liked the beat cop "Sully" who is In Charge of Roslindale Center. He once complimented my dog so I give him major props whenever I can.

When asked what city services I most relied on or thought should get the most attention, I said "public transportation and libraries."

I also realized in the course of this survey that one of the hardest words for a Bostonian to pronounce is... "elderly." I had to ask the woman to repeat it three times before I understood. She finally got frustrated and goes, "YOU KNOW! SENIAH CITAZINS." (her spelling. not mine.)

When it came to rating city services, I really let loose. This was getting exciting. The roads and lighting I gave a 5. The snowplow guys who came by my little Rozzie street five times each snowstorm last year rated out at a 10. Big props to those guys.

It got REALLY fun though when I got to rate the garbage guys. The garbage guys who throw my cans all over the street and who once had the NERVE to give me a GARBAGE TICKET. I mean who the hell gets a GARBAGE TICKET? ::::boggle:::: AND! They've never given me a recycling bin and they balk whenever I call to ask when the hell the yard waste pick-up is.

I gave those guys a 1!


Finally. The world at large is interested in the scorecard I've been keeping.


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