2002-01-17 - 10:23 p.m.
I looked up at the clock today and it was 12:30 and I had a 1 p.m. meeting in another building in another town that required the Cutlass.
I had been talking to a guy about a piece I was writing for him and he just sat in my cubicle and we talked about the piece and the questions I had and his upcoming paternity time and my Strunk & White's and my southern accent.
And I'm getting asked a lot about the southern accent these days which is odd because I never got asked about it in NYC. And I don't know if that's a case of being further north now, of accents being more expected in NYC, or if I'm finally becoming more comfortable at work.
Because. The thing is. The accent comes on strong. When I'm comfortable.
So I totally forgot where the entire morning had gone anyway and I went to the 1 p.m. meeting and then another meeting and then I searched high and then low for a docking station for which to insert my laptop at this building. A docking station that I had been informed of, but couldn't find.
And I hadn't had lunch anyway and I could barely find my car and I was carrying around this laptop from floor to floor and parking deck to parking deck and it was four o'clock and so then I called it a day. And went to buy cat food.
Which the cats appreciated. All four of them.
And I realized tonight I've barely petted the dog. And we've had a houseguest. I don't think I've mentioned this. But. There was tension about the houseguest visiting. It was really our First Big Tension. The one in which we were both just so frustrated that the Other Couldn't GET IT. Why Can't You Get This?
So on Monday night we talked a lot and then were silent a lot and walked out of rooms a lot and stared at one another a lot. And eventually. Eventually it all came out. Like just all this stuff. And there were tears and then hugs and kisses. And it wasn't fixed. There was no Fixed to the situation. But it was good. It was good to figure out how to get a Handle On Why Can't You Get This?
And I told the therapist about it on Wednesday. And I told her. Really. How pleased I was that I actually communicated how frustrated I was. And how good that felt even though there was No Fixed. And my therapist said. She goes.
It sounds like you chose not to be a victim.
And she was right. And it was like little epiphany bells going off all over the place. And what I've been practicing since Wednesday, is saying "I choose things" to myself. I choose to be this. I choose to do this. I choose I choose I choose.
And today I lead my first meeting at the New Job. And I chose to enjoy it. And I chose to be really good at it. And so I was.
Anyway. It's no great shakes. But things are feeling good. And today. Today I chose to set up a date to meet with the person whose gonna help me work up a structure for the book in exchange for some $$$.
Because quite frankly. I wanna be on the Oprah show.
